Waitstaff Dynamics Gifts

Earning the Tip

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

Diner.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."