Workplace Dynamics Gifts

"I never thought I'd see the day, they're taking our suggestions seriously at last!"

". . . So what's with bosses these days? It seems like I can never find a good one."

"I believe I already know most of you from the drum circle."

Urine Catcher

'Your proposal is innovative, Unfortunately we won't be able to use it because we've never tried something like this before,'

"Tom, mentoring is more than encouraging people to be just like you."

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'You are here.'

'I think we need to take another look at your risk-management strategy.'

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

'Your proposal is innovative. Unfortunately we won't be able to use it because we've never tried something like that before.'

Feedback doesn't need to be negative.

"It's a panic alarm. It goes off every time management show any interest in another reorganisation."

'And this is Mr Whittingstall...He's in charge of compliance.'

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

Performance Management: "Jump!"

'I fear we may have strayed from the agenda somewhat.'

"I'm sensing confidence, boldness, and moral sensibility. You're not going to turn out to be a whistleblower, are you?"

'Why do I have to go first?' 'There's no I in team Dave.'

'I think Jim is a little sensitive to negative feedback.'

Panel discussion: absenteeism in the workplace.

"Today's top priority is prioritizing our priorities."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'And we are firmly opposed to any form of group think.'

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

"Blame culture...who is reponsible for this?" "Him..him..him...her..."

'You win some, you lose some. Don't worry about it. No one's keeping score.'

"Management is all about empathy.....nad if you can't get that into your thick skull then you've no future here."

'They've been like this ever since Mary presented her report. It's the worst case of paralysis by analysis I've ever seen!'

'...and we will continue to have these meetings until I learn why no work is getting done!'

Bereaucracy kills.

Positive thinking really helps block out reality.

"Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."