Workplace Dynamic Gifts

'This makes our merit pay system so simple.'

'No, Ed, you can't have a raise.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Welcome to the Team

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'