Work Dynamics Gifts

'It's probably not a good sign to be listed in the organization chart underneath the office plants.'

'Of course we value your opinion Ed. You're always wrong and we need that in knowing what to avoid.'

"Just let me know if you want me to make a valiant attempt at holding the doors."

Safety - If you can't do it safely, don't do anything at all.

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'Oh, you're just jealous 'cause Ms Lerner gave me the corner office.'

"Since the promotion, my husband has gotten a big head."

"Management is all about EMPATHY and UNDERSTANDING what MOTIVATES colleagues wha they CARE about...and if you can't get that through your thick skull you'v no future here!"

Most departments will remain autonomous. Those merging know who you are.

Then - 'Employee of the month' Now - 'An employee for a month? certainly, sir'

'My boss says it's an incentive to make me improve.'

'What's going on here? What you see is what I get, and what I see is what you get.'

Sucking up to the boss, hey?

'But the key thing to remember about the boss is this: the last person to speak to him always has the most influence!'

'We need someone to head-up our scrapheap, Higgins.'

'By hiring inept employees we make our customers more likely to use our automated call system.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'