Job Dynamics Gifts

Corporate Darwinism

The buck stops here/Pass the buck.

'I know that you think you should be the President of this company, Your Majesty. But, you'll just have to work your way up, like I did!'

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

Welcome to the Team

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."