Career Dynamics Gifts

"I'm generous to a fault."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Staff support"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

International Women's Day.

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Reach for the Star.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."