Career Dynamics Gifts

"I'm generous to a fault."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Staff support"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Reach for the Star.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

International Women's Day.

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'