Service Industry Rookie Gifts

'Must be your first day--the smiley face goes on the check.'

"This is our soft opening."

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'The customer is always right...'

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"He's my cousin. It's just until he can find a new restaurant to work in."

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

'Having a family life and juggling two jobs? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?'

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'

'The beer's not cloudy, the glass is dirty.'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

Lunch-Hour Highlights

'No tipping please.'

'Is that freshly brewed?'

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."