Sermon Seekers Gifts

"So, when will you start telling us about good vs bad cholesterol?"

Church Pastor Paul Lucas - NOW IN 3D

Blessed are those who hunger, for they are sticking to their diet plan.

'Hello? Al's Round the World Tours?'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Church for sports worshipers.

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Sermon Applause.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.