Sermon Seeker Gifts

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

'I love his eye contact but I wish he hadn't glanced at me while talking about deadly sins.'

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

Watch the game on the big screen. Free sermon!!

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

Doug Coe

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

"What profit a cat to gain a million hits on YouTube, but lose his soul?"

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

"I don't know how he does it. He preaches entire sermons without using the words like, cool or awesome."

Does God favour those with a balanced portfolio ?

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'Very very uplifting this morning, Reverend!'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Church sign.

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

Ministers: regular and TV.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Sign outside church: 'Keeping the faith in a s-so market.'

Preacher Is Bombing.

'More options!'

Zeal.

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

Sermon Applause.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'