Sermon Explorer Gifts

St. Paul's Church: Today's sermon - 'What is hell?' (underneath says 'come hear our choir).

'Maybe you could find a sermon idea in HERE.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

The World's Biggest Book Club

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

Monk Prompt

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Sermon Applause.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Great - already running late and then this happens."

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Moses gets REALLY lost in the desert.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."