Sermon Explorer Pillows

St. Paul's Church: Today's sermon - 'What is hell?' (underneath says 'come hear our choir).

'Maybe you could find a sermon idea in HERE.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

Monk Prompt

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Sermon Applause.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Great - already running late and then this happens."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.