Sermon Enthusiasts Gifts

'Thank you for not mentioning me by name.'

"I've been trying to apply that 'forgive and forget' principle..."

"And a source said let there be light."

'Oh, oh! They're going to give it to us with both barrels!'

'Not bad - a bit preachy.'

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

"And for those who plan to play golf today, remember the Third and Ninth Commandments."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

Ten Commandments

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

Sermon Applause.

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

Applause