Seminar Enthusiasts Gifts

How to make a million dollars

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Here we are."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

Sermon Applause.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

How to engage an audience

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

'I see Phelps is back from that stress reduction seminar.'

Time management office worker