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"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

"Bond James, Bond."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

Brad Pitt

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

Milkin' Impossible

Graph leads down into egg with a big crack.

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

"Are you sure this is a Film Noir"

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

Viggo Mortensen

Barry Norman

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

"I thought they introduced the witch a little late."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

'Right, moving on to the housekeeping...'

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Doggy-3D

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'