Meeting Aficionado Gifts

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Right, moving on to the housekeeping...'

"Are we all consultants here? Does anyone actually work here?"

'Mr. Bigmeister likes to start each meeting with the pledge of allegiance.'

'Let's make this a short meeting. I know we all have expensive homes to go to.'

"This company lacks leadership... We need to think about the possibility of setting up a policy group to look at the option of convening a focus group to have a bit of a chat about what we might do!"

'This office will be closed today...staff are currently engaged in a series of meetings to coordinate current performance assessment framework indicators to maximise outputs.'

"Our first order of business will be the new speed bump in the parking lot."

"You called this strategy session for THAT?"

'Take us out to the ball game, take us out with the crowd, buy us some peanuts and crackerjacks, we don't care if never get back...'

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

With the exception of the cold coffee and poor selection of donuts, I think the meeting went well.

"My meeting take away was this chair, what did you get?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"Call me?"

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

Sitting in a tree

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

Valentine Day

Mantis Love

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''