Dating Aficionado Gifts

"Before we start the date, here's a list of things I have zero interest in talking about."

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

'I joined an exercise class to meet men, but all the men there needed the exercise way too much.'

"The difference between a great guy and a total loser? I'd say it's about this much Merlot."

'I met the greatest guy! He's sweet, he's handsome, and his insurance policy is Equity Indexed Whole Life!'

"Can I get you something to eat?"

Please Take a Number

'Could you give me another minute? I'm not sure who's paying yet.'

'For goodness sake, I'm going as fast as I can.'

'When he said his best feature was his hair, I didn't think he meant on his chest, his back and in his ears!'

'Maybe you set your ideals too high, Karen...'

'I never sleep with someone on the first date, so oncve we've had mad passionate intercourse you'll have to leave'

'Watch out -she goes for anything in trousers.'

'Yes but are you a contagious incurable romantic?'

'I prefer vulnerable men -- open your mouth and shut your eyes.'

You're quite a looker

Why camels are so hard to pick up: One says to the other - 'Buy you a drink, doll face?' The camel replies - 'No thanks, I'm not thirsty.'

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

Learning To Love Yourself

'Oh, him? That's my wingman.'

'Dude, trust me, we haven't got much time: We should sign up for speed dating...'

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

"I'm a breast and leg man, myself!"

"Looks like Rick's scored."

"I don't come with emotional baggage. It's more like a small, emotional handbag."

"There must be someone. The last date I had was on the end of a plastic twig!"

"Blue eyed blonde...let me check the files."

Eric's chat up lines had been going well. Until he suddenly discovered he had food in his teeth.

Love

Boyfriend Checklist

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

okfermi: Dating Service for Lonely Planets.

Banana Smoothie

Listen, at my age, it's not so much a come-on as it is a nice gesture.

"Take good care of her, Mr Denny. She's all we've got."