Meeting Enthusiast Gifts

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"This concludes my lecture on non-verbal communication. Any comments or questions?"

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"Not the most impressive strategic plan I've ever seen."

Panel discussion: absenteeism in the workplace.

'Right we need an urgent response to our productivity problems...'

Planning ahead.

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

"I'm afraid the turnout isn't as high as we'd hoped, three of them misheard the date; five got the time wrong and everyone from sales went to a hotel in Scarborough by mistake!"

'No more mergers until I get this one cleaned up.'

'...and we will continue to have these meetings until I learn why no work is getting done!'

' . . . In summing up, the future looks bright for those of us who can manage to avoid incarceration.'

"Agreed then-I won't network you if you don't network me."

'I don't know what's worse...you, Jenkins, snoring through my presentation, or you, Fredericks, complaining that it was keeping you awake!'

"Well I hope that gives you a flavour of what the work is about...any questions?"

'Okay - let's take this bold initiative and whittle it down to something we can all ignore.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

Responsibility and duties

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'Who's pumped about this meeting?!'

'We've finally addressed the problem. Now find a stamp and get it outta here!'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

"Our investors' enthusiasm was gratifying...first time I've ever seen a mosh pit at a stockholders' meeting!"

"I should now like to call this AGM to...to...er..."

"It's always cozy in here. We're insulated by layers of bureaucracy."

'The motion has been moved and seconded that we panic.'

Can you get out blood stains? I attended a rather contentious board meeting.

'Yes, I'll be in in a minute. I'm just rehearsing some candid remarks.'

'How long before I have to start paying attention?'

"Yes! That's exactly what I was going to think."

Boring meeting

"I know you're busy, so I have scheduled a one hour daily team meeting to help get the project back on track."