Morning Meeting Enthusiast Gifts

'The breakfast meeting, can you spot the deliberate mistake'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

Evolution of a coffee drinker.

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Everything is automatic. The coffee turns on at 7:00...They go to work at 7:25 and we go up and get in their bed.'

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

Responsibility and duties

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

Conference Pears

"Next meeting back to paper. Everyone missed doodle."

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'I meet therefore I MANAGE.'

1,572 Performances.

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

"Not the most impressive strategic plan I've ever seen."

'Who's pumped about this meeting?!'

The Sky Is The Limit

'Do you want toast with that?'

"I just wonder if there aren't some team members who could be a bit more focused in meetings."