Meetings Enthusiast Gifts

Now here is a great suggestion- it's from ME.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

Responsibility and duties

Conference Pears

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

"Next meeting back to paper. Everyone missed doodle."

"You lack spontaniety."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'I meet therefore I MANAGE.'

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

"Not the most impressive strategic plan I've ever seen."

'Who's pumped about this meeting?!'