Sermon Fan Gifts

Applause

"Reverend your sermon was divine, naturally."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Personally, I prefer a more traditional message for Easter Service.'

Moses separating his Laundry.

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

Sermon Applause.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

How's My Omnipotence? 1-800-CREATOR

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."