Sermon Fan Prints

Applause

"Reverend your sermon was divine, naturally."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Personally, I prefer a more traditional message for Easter Service.'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

Sermon Applause.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

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Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'