Sermon Collector Gifts

All of Rev.Tuttle's sermons are videotaped in case one of congregates runs for public office.

"...and your ears! They're like silk purses!"

The devil you know and his plus one

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

Sauce for the Goose

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"Hahahaha doctor, I guess I'll see you in a week

Meet the Author

Sermon Applause.

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.