Serious-yet-silly Surgeon Gifts

'Okaaay... Now, the hip bone's connected to the thigh bone...'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Surgery Instructions.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"Firstly, have you ever had an appendix out before?"

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'Just relax Mr Benson. I find having background music while I perform surgery helps me focus!'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

Preserved head and mobile phone.

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

"Mr Brown. Are you in for a triple bypass or an ingrown toenail?"

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

"I have a complaint about my bill."

'Spin GP'

'It's a routine operation.'

Door-to-Door Liposuction.

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

"We found traces of conscience, fortunately we caught it early."