Seo Analyst Gifts

"After seeing the benefits of web analytics, Amy hoped to learn something by attaching cookies to customers who visited her store."

The Anti-Agent

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

CEO with SEO

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

Off Duty.

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

A Little Extra

"We occasionally remove content that is considered to be subversive, or a potential threat to public order and national security."

"Are you talking down to me, Evans? Because I don't like it when people talk down to me."

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

Aggression/Security

"Mr. Miranda....we are using 'schedule 7' to hold you on suspicion of knowing someone who knew someone who was a whistleblower...."

The Best Defense

Bureau of Disappearing Civil Liberties.

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

Man in hospital bed, along with ECG, mmHg, being monitored is also NSA.

I think that's what they call 'Googling yourself'!

'We're out of duct tape.'

The Santa Myth, 2015 edition

'I got caught in a blogstorm.'

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."