Search Engine Analyst Gifts

Ed's attempt to one-up google: Answers to the questions you never asked.

The Anti-Agent

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

CEO with SEO

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

Man doing a search on a computer

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

A Little Extra

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"We occasionally remove content that is considered to be subversive, or a potential threat to public order and national security."

Bureau of Disappearing Civil Liberties.

Aggression/Security

"Mr. Miranda....we are using 'schedule 7' to hold you on suspicion of knowing someone who knew someone who was a whistleblower...."

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

The Best Defense

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

Man in hospital bed, along with ECG, mmHg, being monitored is also NSA.

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"I hear you have been split testing our online advertising campaign. I haven't got a clue what that is but stop it now."

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

The Santa Myth, 2015 edition

'I got caught in a blogstorm.'

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

'We're out of duct tape.'

I think that's what they call 'Googling yourself'!