Sentence Skeptics Gifts

'That's old Smitty -- he got life plus 99 years.'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"God works in mysterious ways."

"Finally, a succinct corporate mission statement."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"We fell for this last time remember..."

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

'OK, now you've seen it...'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

"We've concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word 'inclusion'."

"If I hear the word ‘mindfulness’ one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it."

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

Descartes's Demon

'Most cases like yours, Mr. Johnson, clear up completely with a healthy dose of skepticism!'

'If evolution is real how come after millions of years we're still unable to open a can of dog food?'

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

"Bark bark bark woof yap!" It might be good, but I'm just not in the mood for subtitles.

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin..."

"Thank you for not praying."

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'It's a wonderful find, and yet there's something suspicious about it.'

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"