Proverb Skeptic Gifts

'I really hate 'laughter is the best medicine.' 'That's the way I feel about 'An apple a day'.'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Finally, a succinct corporate mission statement."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"We've concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word 'inclusion'."

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"If I hear the word ‘mindfulness’ one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it."

House of Wishful Thinking

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

Actual Results May Vary

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

'So help me, which god?'

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

'You've convinced me. I'm becoming an atheist.'