Buzzword Skeptic Gifts

'There's talk of paradigm-shifting innovation heading your way. Lock your door and hide under the desk.'

"We've concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word 'inclusion'."

"If I hear the word ‘mindfulness’ one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Alternative Medicine

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"Finally, a succinct corporate mission statement."

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'OK, now you've seen it...'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

Science deniers Soc.

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."

Documentation Please

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

Descartes's Demon

"The drug has, however, proved more effective than traditional psychoanalysis."

'Mister, the only thing wrong with these computers is the spell check's broken.'

RFK Jr Anti-Vax

'As we now know, there are no such things as viruses.'

Institute of the Paranormal: Research Division and Crackpot Division.

"Delusional scientific elitist..."

"I take it the tortoise wasn't available."

"I'm a rebel! I refuse the tyranny of evolution!"