Online Skeptic Gifts

A failed internet scam.

"If you send these people $50 they'll tell you how to make money online."

"I warned you not to order your medicine on the internet!"

This is not a scam. Send money and receive authentic 'This is Not A Scam' certificate."

'Information age, ha! Yeah, if the information is porno, or inane chitchat.'

'If you give these people £20 they'll show you how to make money off the internet.'

Fred discovers 'anti-social' media...

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

Down With Wikipedia

The other digital divide.

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

"My self esteem is low ... how come I never got hacked?"

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"No, as of yet, they are not on the internet!"

'I know those big money deals from NIGERIA are a scam, but this e-mail is from NEW GUINEA!'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Oh yes, I've got the whole business computerised now"

Unsocial Media

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my worldview."

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''