Online Skeptic Gifts

A failed internet scam.

"If you send these people $50 they'll tell you how to make money online."

"I warned you not to order your medicine on the internet!"

This is not a scam. Send money and receive authentic 'This is Not A Scam' certificate."

'Information age, ha! Yeah, if the information is porno, or inane chitchat.'

'If you give these people £20 they'll show you how to make money off the internet.'

Fred discovers 'anti-social' media...

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

Down With Wikipedia

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

The other digital divide.

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

"My self esteem is low ... how come I never got hacked?"

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"No, as of yet, they are not on the internet!"

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

'If you don't believe me, Google it.'

'I know those big money deals from NIGERIA are a scam, but this e-mail is from NEW GUINEA!'