Online Health Skeptic Gifts

"I don't care what it said when you looked up your symptoms on the internet. You arenot Anorexic."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'