Senior Shenanigans Appreciator Gifts

"... Yes, Miss Mawdsley. I think it will be safe for you to come off the pill now."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

James Bond: Senior Years.

"Larry is seventy with occasional gusts to eighty-five."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"My memory's not too good these days."

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

Oldies.

"How's your memory?"

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"Show-off!"

'It's my prostate.'

Toxic Relationship

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"Look at that adorable mother and baby! I haven't changed a diaper in years."

The Name Brain

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.

'NO, you cannot borrow Grandpa's bus pass!'

'Now where did I put that cape?'

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

Pensioners Ahead