Senior Satire Admirer Gifts

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

UK border controls relaxed.

How about going easy on the carbs

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

Czarcasm

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"A haand gel...!?"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Hot cross buns

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"And yet methinks, Martha, that 'Ibsen with Rhythm' seems somehow to miss the point of Ibsen."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"Well, that was the weirdest tribute band I've ever seen."

'And remember team, if you can't join 'em, lick 'em!'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

'As you can see global climate change has encouraged some species to adapt to new environments.'

Football heads...

'Day two at the...brain transplant institute.'

A Gated Community.

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

'Well number 34 has run dry and is now pumping fossils.'

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'