Senior Satire Admirer Gifts

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

UK border controls relaxed.

How about going easy on the carbs

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

Czarcasm

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"A haand gel...!?"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

Hot cross buns

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"And yet methinks, Martha, that 'Ibsen with Rhythm' seems somehow to miss the point of Ibsen."

"Well, that was the weirdest tribute band I've ever seen."

'And remember team, if you can't join 'em, lick 'em!'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'This snuff video you sold me just shows people taking snuff.'

'Day two at the...brain transplant institute.'

A Gated Community.

'As you can see global climate change has encouraged some species to adapt to new environments.'

Shakespearean Celebrity Endorsements

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

Football heads...

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

'Well number 34 has run dry and is now pumping fossils.'

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'