Senior Romance Fan Gifts

"Walk of shame."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Romance

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'Did someone say something?'

Old man has a walking stick case.

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

"Phew! You're ripe! What's that brown spot?"

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.

Masked Admirer

'Our relationship is getting serious. He's taking me to meet his doctor.'

"You only started bringing me home from the Darby and Joan club because I had a stair life and you couldn't manage stairs any more."

'I need your honest opinion...does my butt look big enough in this?'

Bending beneath the weight of his burden, he lay it upon the moss (Atala).

'Very steamy and sexy novel, Miss Pendergast, but how come that this Latino heart throb only services women over 70?'

'Aha, the vitamins for seniors swaps additives for preservatives.'

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

"She's definitely less plumpy."

"His snoring is just loud enough to mask my tinnitus."

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

'I can't read your manuscript now, Miss Austen, I'm going speed dating.'

"This is not exactly how I envisioned watching the grass grow in my retirement."