Elderly Romance Fan Gifts

the romance novel

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

I am married

'Well, apparently your mother was right. Your face is finally stuck that way.'

Phrenological matrimonial bureau

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

Victorian Garden Romance

Masked Admirer

'I can't believe you only lasted 3 days, 9 hours and 56 minutes.'

What was dating like in your day, Mort? Very, very confusing. Women only talked about things they thought I was interested in. They never showed affection publicly because they thought it would embarrass me. For some reason, they made a point of never telling me any stories in which they had fun with other people. I always knew less about a lady at the end of a date than I did at the beginning. I don't get it. The you'd have fit right in.

'Very steamy and sexy novel, Miss Pendergast, but how come that this Latino heart throb only services women over 70?'

Kissing bench with rockers

Bending beneath the weight of his burden, he lay it upon the moss (Atala).

'I need your honest opinion...does my butt look big enough in this?'

Victorian bachelors leering over woman.

'I wandered lonely...er..on my own for a bit..'

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

'I can't read your manuscript now, Miss Austen, I'm going speed dating.'

Richard Strauss

"Do you care for the soldier type?"

Tosca in prison

"Ready for your birthday present dear?" "Leave the diaper on! Leave the diaper on!"

"I remember the days when you used to pull my hair like that!"

"Walk of shame."

Illustration for 'Wives and Daughters', scene 1.

'It's a whistle only mothers can hear.'

'Yes, yes, we love you too!'

'I finally found Mr Right!'

"I remember when young men met girls in person!"

'Nice! Just throw the food on the dirty ground! Thanks, Lady!'

"Whoa! Now there goes one fine pair of kidneys!"

Meeting at a social gathering

"Who? You were expecting someone else, perhaps?"

"Whoa! Do I look that Viking-y?"