Vintage Romance Fan Gifts

"Do you care for the soldier type?"

Masked Admirer

Instructions for Bow Tie Wearers

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

The Gladiator.

Moulin Rouge Security

The Dandy

Sorry about the odor --- Phone booths have gone out of style so I had to change in a dumpster.

Peter Lorre caricature

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

Phrenological matrimonial bureau

Masked Ball

Victorian Secret

I told you Norman Bates and Oedipus would have a lot to talk about.

What was dating like in your day, Mort? Very, very confusing. Women only talked about things they thought I was interested in. They never showed affection publicly because they thought it would embarrass me. For some reason, they made a point of never telling me any stories in which they had fun with other people. I always knew less about a lady at the end of a date than I did at the beginning. I don't get it. The you'd have fit right in.

"Have you given any more thought to my idea of using a sword?"

Jack and Jill

"They listen to weird music, dress funny and you don't dare go into the bathroom after they've been in there!"

"Heavens! I'd better rush home. my phone may be ringing."

'He's a little old fashion, but it's his love for red meat that bothers me.'

Victorian bachelors leering over woman.

Bending beneath the weight of his burden, he lay it upon the moss (Atala).

Old Age Depression

'I need your honest opinion...does my butt look big enough in this?'

'Very steamy and sexy novel, Miss Pendergast, but how come that this Latino heart throb only services women over 70?'

Purple dress

"And thanks again, Greg. It was divine."

'I wandered lonely...er..on my own for a bit..'

Two victorian women sitting on a bobbin

Railway porter and passenger.

"These must be some other kind of patriotic work she can do."

Amish Movie Producers: "I'm greenlighting two new projects: Snakes on a Buggy and Barn Raisers of the Caribbean!"

I found the most amazing Youtube show. It's about an angel who helps people. Oh yeah? Yeah. And he drives around with some burly guy with a big beard. They wear '80s clothes and don't have any special effects. It's a perfect period show. Wait … are you talking about "Highway to Heaven"? That's not a period show, that was made in the '80s. Even you have to know that. Thanks for ruining it for me.

Richard Strauss