Senior Night Enthusiast Gifts

Every Night is Over 60's Night

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Larry is seventy with occasional gusts to eighty-five."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

Bat

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"There, now you're in your pyjamas too."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"My memory's not too good these days."

"I love these quiet evenings at home battling alcoholism."

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

"I think I'll sleep in tonight!"

"No, you can't go to the rock concert! It's vital you don't damage your hearing!"

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"I have dusk free."

Carpe Noctem - Seize the Night

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

"You have reached your destination (for the 4th time tonight, I might I add?)"

"How's your memory?"

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'