Senior Matchmaker Pillows

'I think the idea of an online dating service for seniors is fine. I just don't think we should name it, 'TimesRunningOut.com.''

"So when did you learn to read wallets?"

"I found the perfect guy on that dating site for seniors. We're so compatible. We take the same medications!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Today's love

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"It must have been fate that brought us together."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"I'm all for diversity. Let's get someone in here who knows what they're doing."

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Sidekick speed matching service.

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"This is the new man. I want you to bring him up to speed."

"On my dating website it said would be the perfect match."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."