Senior Matchmaker Pillows

'I think the idea of an online dating service for seniors is fine. I just don't think we should name it, 'TimesRunningOut.com.''

"So when did you learn to read wallets?"

"I found the perfect guy on that dating site for seniors. We're so compatible. We take the same medications!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Today's love

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"I'm all for diversity. Let's get someone in here who knows what they're doing."

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Match maker

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Sidekick speed matching service.

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"This is the new man. I want you to bring him up to speed."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Are you sure that's not your age?