Seeking Help For Addiction Gifts

Alcoholics Anonymous - Hard Knocks

'...Now will you admit you have a drink-problem?!'

'OK, so, where were we? Oh right - I'm looking for someone to fill in for me while I'm in rehab.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

Emotional Support Pest

"I told the doctor about my problems with anxiety and burnout and he wrote me a prescription for me an one for himself."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

Bear who goes drinking instead of hibernating

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'My work-lifestyle balance is shot, I'm either working or I'm dead!'

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

'What's the point of suffering from depression if nobody notices?'

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"They took my pellets, man, I been hitting' that lever al day, they took my PELLETS!"

"Apparently, he had occasional sober periods."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

"The thing about society is that it gives me such anxiety..."

GPs should provide 'forest bathing' on the NHS says charity.

'Now I understand why people want to give them up.'

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'