Recovering From Addiction Gifts

'I'm just out of rehab...texting addiction.'

Alcohol Problem Advisor - 'How do I mix a Bismark?'

Gamblers Anonymous

"That's the last meeting I go to...the wi-fi in there was terrible!"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Spa

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"Call me a taxi if I start foaming at the mouth."

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

'Okay darlin' if you need more whipped cream just hit the red button.'

A robot is in hospital, he has a card saying 'get welded soon.'

"This lovely song tells of a young, pretty actress, her ups and downs, and how she found happiness after rehab."

'What's for desert?'

'You're looking well.'

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.