News Addiction Recovery Gifts

"That sonuvabitch gave up watching the news."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Spa

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Vlad the Inhaler

Self-esteem room

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"Oh my God, they're gassing refugees. Look at this family!"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Your blood Sugar is very high.'

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"Call me a taxi if I start foaming at the mouth."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

"I think we need to have a chat about your 'support team'..."

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...