Sedentary Sweetheart Gifts

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

"I love you, you big fool."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

Hold those deer to you near to you this Christmas.

'I try and humour him...it's the only exercise he gets!'

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

We never fly anywhere anymore.

"I've got buck teeth, an overbite, big ears, pink eye, a harelip, and I live in a hole. She must love me!"

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

Use it or lose it.

'American, idle.'

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

"Just back from lunch . . . I needed to stretch my legs."

Reality television programme - showing infinite regression

'That Al Gore is so patronizing!'

"Obsessive complacent disorder"

"Do you have any reading material that doesn't mock the sedentary life?"

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

"Just shoot me if I ever take up power walking."

"I can't tell if you're at work or at home."

"Whay do they think about all day?"

Biro Security

Modern Childhood

Dressing up

"It seems like everything these days is new and improved. . . except you."

'It's repetitive strain injury - try using the thumb on your other hand for the television remote.'