Security Guard Humor Gifts

"Sir, would you mind coming with me?!"

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Beware of Everything

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

Munich Security Conference

'Hello, security.'

"This is a family operation, Ben, and we're evicting you from our family."

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

'Pull it over, Speedy.'

Stun-gun target practice.

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

Airport security - next step?

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

Fidel Castro as a lifeguard.

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

Piñata police line-up.

'...if you don't stop..er..singing Mr Bieber I'll arrest you for possessing an offensive weapon as well as drunk driving.'

"No, he's not a security risk ... he just loves the pat-downs."

"Sure, playing hot potato is fun until someone pokes an eye out!"

Fabric Company: No tulle left in this vehicle overnight

Beware of the teddy

'I think the only reason my job hasn't been outsourced is because nobody knows what I do around here.'

America's Funniest Encrypted Passwords

"Beware of owner."

Beware of the Dog - Leaping Over Fence

'Security.'

A-1 security from crime....

Warning!! Anti-Climb Paint.

'Hold you horses! I'm just getting to the good part!'

"The cash is down again. I'm beginning to suspect an inside job."

"The ice at the rink isn't smooth. I think the maintenance team slipped up."

Given his lack of dental insurance, Tony was initially happy with the officer of a federally subsidized cavity search.