Security Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Crap! There's a really big piece of tape!"

Airport Security.

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"You are still here."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

Washroom Doors: Men, Women, Computer Whiz.

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

How to create a password you can remember...

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

Robot Robber

AI Summit

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

Munich Security Conference

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

'Hello, security.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Personnel. You did high-tech work in this railroad job? It was a part-time position --- I was a semi-conductor.

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor