Seasonal Satire Lovers Gifts

Christmas 2020

"Wake up, it's Spring and we forgot to vote!"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

The Frankenstein snowman.

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

'Summer's over and it's time to fall in!'

"So, are you predicting an early spring?"

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

Snowman and stickmen losing arms

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

"You're really serious about that diet!"

Night of the Living Reindeer

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

"Did you get some work done?"

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

The Three Wise Women

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

Snowman arriving home to his Refrigerator Home

"Merry Christmas. You Cheerful, Chirpring, Cheeping, Tweeting, Tw*ttering, Twittering Tw*t!"

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

Santa narrowly avoids discrimination suit

See U Next Year

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

"Oh no ... I'll never lose any weight this way."

Gardening Terminology: Freezia

Wintertime Barometer.

"I'm determined to beat the traffic, I just need to work out how they fly."

Ahh, Spring! A time of growth, a time of green, a time for birdies to be seen. A time for hope across the land, a time for hankies close at hand! Aah! CHOO!

"Never lose your cool."

Snirtman

"This doesn't feel right..."