Seasonal Chores Gifts

"They just keep falling. It's as though they're mocking me with their hideous persistence. I know they hate me, hahaha! You'll all be sorry..." "Leaf insanity"

'I'd say that fall is just around the corner!'

"We're out of bags."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

The Missing Sock Returns

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

Yardless: Please help

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

When laundry ruled the waves.

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Crowded Ice Fishing

Kitchen Tetris

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

Woman simutaneously playing the cello and washing man in bath's back

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"You get back here this minute, young man! You're not going anywhere until you clean your room!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

Pest Control

"Is his nose locally grown?"

"Any squirrels?" "Nope... two rabbits, a chipmunk, and a little girl picking her nose."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

'Actually, I was thinking more in terms of a temporary position.'

'Whenever Mat gets a little over-confident, I tell him to try to fold a fitted bed sheet.'

'Summer's over and it's time to fall in!'