Scribbling Shortstop Gifts

"Deep Right Field: a Memoir..."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

Instructional guide to scribbling

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

Perils of the double play.

The Other Cooperstown

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

Currently Boston

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Zeus injects himself with steroids before throwing lightning bolts

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

"I thought it was a strike, Troy—but ask your mother."

Vendor selling testosterone.