Scribbling Shortstop Gifts

"Deep Right Field: a Memoir..."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

Instructional guide to scribbling

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

Perils of the double play.

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

The Other Cooperstown

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Currently Boston

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Zeus injects himself with steroids before throwing lightning bolts

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"I thought it was a strike, Troy—but ask your mother."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."