Scribbling Savant Gifts

"I hope you don't mind, I've just scribbled a few different ideas!"

Plant Lady

A child stands behind a stand piled high with snowballs and a sign that reads "Hand-crafted snowballs 25¢".

Instructional guide to scribbling

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

'You could do that.' I did

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

'Hows it coming?'

"Now, how many of you liked the viola player best?"

"You'll have to imagine the melody for this next song too."

'Very impressive, but is there anything you can't do?'

It's not a love bite, I just play the violin.

Congress today convened a special panel to study use of illegal performance enhancing drugs on the senior Scrabble tour. Members of Congress expressed outrage that such a national pastime could be sullied by fiber doping. Their anger led to an angry exchange with one witness. Hey Congress, here's a four-letter word … Turn off her mic.

Champagne Tasting.

"Yeah, the Declaration of Independence is beautiful! What font is that?"

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

"Those are all my passwords."

'Your poetry totally captures the raw, primitive essence of the writing workshops you've attended.'

"It's not a first edition, but it's from Moses' workshop."

Independant Spelling Consultant.

'Since Darwin said it's survival of the fittest, I thought I'd better take up an aerobic sport.'

'But Dr johnson ov wat yuse wil thsi dicshunary ov yors be?'

The final reward for a writer... 'R.I.P. At last a deadline I can live with!'

Self-portraits

Ecclesiastical Eye Test

"Those aren't just any old doodles, Ms. Jones, they're notes for my graphic novel!"

Architect chained to his drawing of parliament

"It's a slow hit man!"

"No wonder you're struggling with your novel. You're not wearing your writer's hat."

Spelling for Dumbies.

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

"Ok stranger - you draw first...."