Scribbling Gifts

Instructional guide to scribbling

'How do i know what it's about? - I can't read yet!'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

'You could do that.' I did

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

'Is this any way to treat a budding genius?'

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

'Don't be hard on the boy, dear, I'm sure that Van Gogh's first sunflowers weren't so hot.'

Now that I've written the book, could you put in a good word with the sales team's muse?

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Empty landscape containing food and stationery.

'Hows it coming?'

'Your poetry totally captures the raw, primitive essence of the writing workshops you've attended.'

Modern Nursery Rhymes

"I hope you don't mind, I've just scribbled a few different ideas!"

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

Writer’s Corner

'Pencil for Cartoonists.'

Screenwriters, Inc. Send this revised script to Rupert Murdoch! Right! I'll fax the fix to Fox!

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

'Of course this scribble doesn't make any sense. Why do you think the critics call it an intellectual masterpiece?'

"No wonder you're struggling with your novel. You're not wearing your writer's hat."