Scratched Survivor Gifts

"I see you've met and pet Fluffy."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I can't believe it! In all my years in corporate business, yours must be the worst case of paper cuts I have ever seen."

"I love what you've done to the place."

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

Gymnast tangled up.

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

"Recently separated."

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

A marooned man builds a swing set from his lone palm tree.

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

"Did you know that cats can give paw?"

'Really?... I'm a cat person too.'

'Don't be mad, I'm just following your instructions.'

'The tide goes out along way, doesn't it?'

'You're trying to hail a taxi?... Are you insane? You'll never get one at this time of day!'

"I want you to leave and take your headlong slide into oblivion with you."

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

A holiday maker greets a castaway

"I'd say my number-one issue is getting off the island, and then, after that, probably health care."

'LAND!'

"I'm sorry, but I believe I'm now way out of your network."

"I'm raising four kids, a husband, three pets and I work. This is nothing."

'Am I pleased to see you - have you got a light?'

Man following advice on preventing sea-sickness but becoming sea-sick anyway

Never give up! Unless it's really h.....

'Man's best friend. Hah!'

Cactus with tap.

Tiptoeing around voltometers.

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched.

'No need for that. I owe taxes, they'll find us!'