Scratch Survivor Gifts

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched.

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

Dieting Motivation.

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

"I love what you've done to the place."

Gymnast tangled up.

... and I'd suggest you take more frequent breaks from your computer.

'Don't they look silly?'

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

"Did you know that cats can give paw?"

"I've lost my keys, my wallet and my iPhone! Frankly, I think MINE is the lost generation!"

'Really?... I'm a cat person too.'

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

'Don't be mad, I'm just following your instructions.'

Sock hell

"What makes you think you have cabin fever?"

A holiday maker greets a castaway

You're too young to be worrying about SAT tests. But I have to score well to get a good job someday. In the real world, no one hires people who're only good at multiple choice questions. Actually, Nana

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

Man following advice on preventing sea-sickness but becoming sea-sick anyway

"Relax, eventually the scar will disappear!"

Mindfulness meditation vs. Mindfulness scrolling.

Laundromat has a bin for trash & one for unmatched socks

'Naughty-we've been EATING again,haven't we!'

Never give up! Unless it's really h.....

Human Error, Stupid (computers)

'Thank you for calling the Coast Guard help line. To sink, press one. To swim, press two…'

Common golf Problems: 'Worst slice I have ever seen!'

"I see you've met and pet Fluffy."

"You always rush out and high-dive me when I homer. How 'bout a bug when I whiff?"

"Finally...shift's over. What a hard day."

'It's a good thing my glasses were washed overboard!'